It's hard not to think about love in February. All of the Valentine's Day hype and roses and candy hearts in every aisle in the drug store across the street. This year, Kath and I went out for a romantic dinner at a cool restaurant in Providence during the weekend before Valentine's Day, since I was working overnight on the day itself. It was lovely - we hadn't been out for a romantic dinner in a while. The tables had long-stemmed roses with red tablecloths, comfy cushy chairs, slow-paced meal, wine, good food, awesome creme brulee. A romantic evening with my hon bun... just lovely.
But, this month, I've realized (again) what true love really is for me (for us). Kath and I were talking about it yesterday when we went out for brunch after I finished my last night for the week. When we fell in love, it was all exciting and tingly and amazing and head-spinning. That feeling mellows... thank goodness, as Katherine says, or nothing would get done in life. Now, there's that comfort, that constancy, in having Katherine there every day, when I come home from work, and she comes home.
We've realized it more this month, when I'm on nights. We both go through withdrawal of sorts during the week, as we see each other for at most 1 hour before I go to work. She hasn't been sleeping well. We're both cranky and emotional at times. We've both broken down in tears at various times over stressful things. But then, when we just get to spend time together on the weekends, it gets better.
I'm beginning to realize how it is that when couples have been together for 50 years, and one dies, the other spouse often passes away soon afterwards. There's a symbiosis that develops, and we are becoming each other's half. When that piece of you is not around, it's harder to function.
I loved falling in love, but I wouldn't go back in time. Maybe I should write a romance novel. Instead of Duke Livermore falling for his arch-rival's daughter, Clarissa MonteCarlo, whom he married to get revenge, I could write about a couple who've been together for 9 years.
Because that's the romance I'd choose.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
Thankful for good public speakers
If you don't regularly follow the news in Iowa like I do, then maybe you missed the recent debate in the Iowa House regarding gay marriage. In 2009, the Iowa Supreme Court wrote a magnificent ruling that legalized same-sex marriage in the state. Now, the newly Republican-controlled Iowa House just voted to bring a bill forward that would amend the state constitution to make gay marriage/civil unions illegal. During the House hearings, Zach Wahls made a fabulous speech defending his mothers' right to marry. If you haven't seen it, google him. He's all over the internet. I just watched it again, along with his appearance on MSNBC with his family. He and his family are wonderful, and I'm thankful for people like him. People who step up and speak up on this issue. I'd be horrible at trying to speak publicly about it, because my tear ducts are so responsive and when I'm very emotionally passionate about a topic, I often cry when speaking about said topics.
Nevertheless, it made me think that maybe I should be more vocal. I vote, I sign HRC petitions, I email my senators and representatives, but maybe I should be doing more talking to people around me as well.
I don't often blog about very personal issues. Coming out, for example. I knew I was gay in college, but I'd felt different for a long time and didn't know why. I had crushes on boys but the idea of actually dating them, getting married and living with them was not appealing. It really hit me when I was asked out by a guy in my freshman general Chem class who sat next to me. I spent the remainder of the semester avoiding him like the plague, because I was so freaked out - in a very physical, make-my-skin-crawl- kind of way. He was a nice guy, and I feel bad about my reaction, but it made things more apparent to me. I didn't come out to some members of my family - my 2 oldest sisters and my parents - until much later, after I had met Katherine. I grew up in a conservative religious culture in which being gay is considered a sin and I knew it wouldn't go over well with my parents - I wrote them a letter describing how all of my life I had looked up to them and their relationship - one that I saw as being filled with love, mutual respect, devotion and commitment to each other - and how I had found this relationship with Katherine. My relationship with my family has subsequently been difficult. It's hard because the issue is so personal on both sides.
It's hard to be made out to be morally repugnant - that the love and relationship I have with my spouse is somehow vile to some people. It's hard to understand why other people feel like they need to regulate how I live my life with Katherine. How our love and our relationship and the family we create should be second-class.
But at the same time, despite everything, I know in my heart and soul that I am living the life I was meant to. I know it every day. I wish that things were different with my family, but I would and will not compromise my integrity and pretend to be someone else. Religious conservatives can try to legislate their intolerance as well. But, at the end of the day, I am proud to be me. And, I come home to the best spouse/significant other/partner/wife in the whole wide world.
It's just nice to hear validation sometimes. So thank you, Zach Wahls. I would be proud to have a son like you.
Nevertheless, it made me think that maybe I should be more vocal. I vote, I sign HRC petitions, I email my senators and representatives, but maybe I should be doing more talking to people around me as well.
I don't often blog about very personal issues. Coming out, for example. I knew I was gay in college, but I'd felt different for a long time and didn't know why. I had crushes on boys but the idea of actually dating them, getting married and living with them was not appealing. It really hit me when I was asked out by a guy in my freshman general Chem class who sat next to me. I spent the remainder of the semester avoiding him like the plague, because I was so freaked out - in a very physical, make-my-skin-crawl- kind of way. He was a nice guy, and I feel bad about my reaction, but it made things more apparent to me. I didn't come out to some members of my family - my 2 oldest sisters and my parents - until much later, after I had met Katherine. I grew up in a conservative religious culture in which being gay is considered a sin and I knew it wouldn't go over well with my parents - I wrote them a letter describing how all of my life I had looked up to them and their relationship - one that I saw as being filled with love, mutual respect, devotion and commitment to each other - and how I had found this relationship with Katherine. My relationship with my family has subsequently been difficult. It's hard because the issue is so personal on both sides.
It's hard to be made out to be morally repugnant - that the love and relationship I have with my spouse is somehow vile to some people. It's hard to understand why other people feel like they need to regulate how I live my life with Katherine. How our love and our relationship and the family we create should be second-class.
But at the same time, despite everything, I know in my heart and soul that I am living the life I was meant to. I know it every day. I wish that things were different with my family, but I would and will not compromise my integrity and pretend to be someone else. Religious conservatives can try to legislate their intolerance as well. But, at the end of the day, I am proud to be me. And, I come home to the best spouse/significant other/partner/wife in the whole wide world.
It's just nice to hear validation sometimes. So thank you, Zach Wahls. I would be proud to have a son like you.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Winter blues can take a snooze
February is never my favorite month. I'm no longer enamored by the snow and am just longing for sun and warmth. Even the love and romance of Valentine's Day only lasts a few days at most. So, now that I'm back on a month of working nights again, my excitement for this month is waning even more.
But, this time I'm fighting back. My goal is to fight the flab and the blah at the same time by going to the gym and eating more healthy foods. (After these overnight shifts in the ER, I just crave fried fatty food, breakfast sandwiches, and big juicy burgers.) Today was my first day on this new agenda, and yes, I went to the gym! Woo-hoo. I'm looking forward to taking some healthy snacks to work with me tonight. My goal is to leave this month feeling healthier, happier, and stronger than when I started. Also, if I'm a slightly smaller version of me, that would be good too. :)
But, this time I'm fighting back. My goal is to fight the flab and the blah at the same time by going to the gym and eating more healthy foods. (After these overnight shifts in the ER, I just crave fried fatty food, breakfast sandwiches, and big juicy burgers.) Today was my first day on this new agenda, and yes, I went to the gym! Woo-hoo. I'm looking forward to taking some healthy snacks to work with me tonight. My goal is to leave this month feeling healthier, happier, and stronger than when I started. Also, if I'm a slightly smaller version of me, that would be good too. :)
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